the one thing that i'm missing here

AGH AS results come in tomorrow morning
so, as tradition dictates, a cocktail party must be held to soothe frayed nerves and generally help us forget our fear.
it won't be anywhere near as good as last year though. because last year's was where i met you...

song: joshua radin's beautiful "i'd rather be with you"
picture courtesy of the lovely souvenirs blog

<3

i can't find my way in

SOME DISCOVERIES
-this song
-banging your knee by falling all the way down the stairs makes pretty bruises. hello chairlift.
-lostprophets = unexpectedly awesome workout music
-not practising for a month makes stiff alzheimery fingers.
-the true meaning of an oxymoron
-my heart...and it hurts.
-that it's not that i can't be without you, it's that i don't want to be. but i'm going to have to be, whether i like it or not, because you don't want to be with me (most of the time). so i'm going to bite my tongue until i can hold you tight and make you forget. i am so, so, so sorry. i know that that word has no meaning. it's probably my least favourite one. but it's the only one i can give you until i can speak to you wordlessly again...
-that none of what i type makes sense anymore

i wish you could be there on wednesday night. i won't be thinking of anything but you (i won't be able to).

i'm off to fall in love with legolas all over again - LOTR trilogy marathon, hells yes.
<3

there's nothing like you and i

Tristesses de la lune

Ce soir, la lune rêve avec plus de paresse;
Ainsi qu'une beauté, sur de nombreux coussins,
Qui d'une main distraite et légère caresse
Avant de s'endormir le contour de ses seins,

Sur le dos satiné des molles avalanches,
Mourante, elle se livre aux longues pâmoisons,
Et promène ses yeux sur les visions blanches
Qui montent dans l'azur comme des floraisons.

Quand parfois sur ce globe, en sa langueur oisive,
Elle laisse filer une larme furtive,
Un poète pieux, ennemi du sommeil,

Dans le creux de sa main prend cette larme pâle,
Aux reflets irisés comme un fragment d'opale,
Et la met dans son coeur loin des yeux du soleil.

Le Léthé

Viens sur mon coeur, âme cruelle et sourde,
Tigre adoré, monstre aux airs indolents; 
Je veux longtemps plonger mes doigts tremblants 
Dans l'épaisseur de ta crinière lourde;

Dans tes jupons remplis de ton parfum 
Ensevelir ma tête endolorie, 
Et respirer, comme une fleur flétrie, 
Le doux relent de mon amour défunt.

Je veux dormir! dormir plutôt que vivre! 
Dans un sommeil aussi doux que la mort, 
J'étalerai mes baisers sans remords 
Sur ton beau corps poli comme le cuivre.

Pour engloutir mes sanglots apaisés 
Rien ne me vaut l'abîme de ta couche; 
L'oubli puissant habite sur ta bouche, 
Et le Léthé coule dans tes baisers.

À mon destin, désormais mon délice, 
J'obéirai comme un prédestiné; 
Martyr docile, innocent condamné, 
Dont la ferveur attise le supplice,

Je sucerai, pour noyer ma rancoeur, 
Le népenthès et la bonne ciguë 
Aux bouts charmants de cette gorge aiguë 
Qui n'a jamais emprisonné de coeur.

— both by Charles Baudelaire

i am currently head-over-heels in love with these poems (english translations for which can be found here and here - pick the one you like best). and i'm excited, because these are merely two poems from the great Les Fleurs du Mal collection. 

title totally unrelated - i've just been listening to this song all day

<3

you know it all

woah it's been over a month since i last posted?
...how did that happen?

only a couple of hours of june left. that makes me sad. june is my favourite month! summery but not too hot (though the last week has been like a FURNACE, it's been 30º+ for the last few days >_<)
what have i done this month?
–eaten a LOT of random and awesome food (pictures to come). a highlight was the taste of london festival, where i basically got to eat a load of food from michelin-starred restaurants for free. ooh, and haggis and black pudding.
–assumed the identity of a snake and went dancing with my friends the zebra and the tiger. circus? more like zoo..
–made friends with a hare krishna ;)
–been HENNAED

–done a massive springclean, a little late admittedly, but i can see the walls of my room for the first time in eight years.
–started READING again. inferno, some baudelaire poems, MORE neruda. latest book = the knot of vipers, by francois mauriac, finished yesterday night :)

YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMY
saw this at cybercandy (sweetshop in covent garden) today. WANT SO MUCH. £4.70 seemed a wee bit too much to pay for cereal though (!), so bought some razzles and sour patch kids for the little sis instead.

HOLD THE PHONE
i've just realised this is my 3rd cereal packet i've posted on here. (and there's another one coming, in my looming humongous food post). hmm i wonder if cereal fetishes exist? i bet they do. what would that involve exactly? rolling around in frosties naked, maybe? licking coco pops off bare flesh? SIGN ME UP. maybe.

thoughts of the day..
-love for my new sneakers, but i want to collect them in a kaleidoscope of colours, and also buy some new ballet flats and flipflops. SHOES. also, anyone who disputes the awesomeness of jelly shoes clearly had a deprived childhood. GLITTERY PINK JELLIES = <3

-"thus, though we cannot make our sun/stand still, yet we can make him run." i almost cried when we got to study this in class today. absolute love.

-i seem to be spending a lot of time lodged under people's armpits, whether i'm on the tube or not

got 2 days off school - tomorrow for a languages taster course, the day after for an open day. what with everyone off on open days lately, school's been as empty as a sepulchre. and since i have 11 frees a week, or something ridiculous, there's hardly any point in me being in at all. sigh.

oh, and before i forget, post title is from "everything is everything" by phoenix. my goodness i was obsesssed with this song last month. and phoenix in general; i recommend ALL of phoenix's new album - favourite tracks are 1901 and lisztomania. LISTEN TO IT!

sunsunsun, all over our bodies (and lovelovelove) <3

the curse has got a name

that girl needs therapy
she gets it by taking a plethora of photos
in the summersummersummersun.


title from my song of summer 2008 (well, one of them) - toxic girl by kings of convenience
less than a week to go til i am liberated from the chains of revision!
over and out <3

you said you meant it

chanson de jack's mannequin

FOR GOD'S SAKE
i just broke my lamp. actually smashed it, not something i can fix this time. trying to yank out a bag of coins (i've collected £27 worth of coppers) i succeeded in spilling them everywhere AND sending my lamp to the floor with an almighty crash.
WHY DO I BOTHER?

HELLO
it's been a hectic week, but i've been slacking off today/yesterday/the day before that (hmm). finished french, english and half of hart, which means i've done 2/3 of my exams. so i figured i could relax a little, though i'll have to get back into my work mindset (with revision headband, cereal diet etc) pretty damn soon. tonight i'm going to take a break (oh, because i've been working SO HARD :S) and go see my friends for dinner, which will hopefully snap me out of my enforced social stupor somewhat. i CAN'T WAIT for the summer holidays - less than 2 months to go! ^_^

for me, summer =...
-lying outside watching the clouds twist themselves into animal shapes
-breaking my own record for how many ice lollies i can guzzle down in a day (it's 7)
-having spontaneous waterfights with friends
-the peachy smell of suncream
-falling asleep on the tube, which becomes my own personal sauna
-taking up tennis again (as i do every summer) and trying and failing to serve well. PLUS, wimbledon
-escaping the country via stansted/heathrow/gatwick
-FRUIT! strawberries, cherries, raspberries, OH MY.

i can't wait

i have suggested to myself (yes, becoming a hermit/cavegirl/social outcast means i slowly develop schizophrenia) an hour and a half of ovid before i slope off islingtonside. this will not work. tamsin = procrastinating on a facebook page near you soon. <3

now all the fingers of this tree

now all the fingers of this tree (darling) have
hands,and all the hands have people;and
more each particular person is (my love)
alive than every world can understand

and now you are and i am now and we're
a mystery which will never happen again,
a miracle which has never happened before-
and shining this our now must come to then

our then shall be some darkness during which
fingers are without hands;and i have no
you:and all trees are (any more than each
leafless) its silent in forevering snow

-but never fear (my own,my beautiful
my blossoming) for also then's until

e.e cummings knows me better than i know myself...





my head hurts.