only human

i thought the numbness meant i was over everything...
well, i was wrong.
it still hurts. i know it's natural in the early stages, but looks like you had no trouble moving on. in fact you managed to pretty damn fast.
but every time i think of you all the pain comes flooding back, and it's destroying me.
i'm just so sick of beating myself up over you. of jerking awake in the middle of the night fresh from going through memories of you in my dreams. only to remember.
i don't want to remember any more.
heartbreak is a bitter pill to swallow..:'(

everybody knows where we're going

:D

despite the self-grounding bubble i've encased myself in, i've had a pretty good month!

had a girly sex and the city-themed evening with my closest friends: cue increasingly alcoholic cocktails (until one friend, i won't name names :P was downing straight vodkas one after the other). also the baking of these:


(thats my friend inez holding the tray up nigella-style for all to see, and katy doing what she does best! kidding..or am i? also spot the biology penis. and guess who moulded that one :P)

they actually turned out pretty yummy, despite coming from a ready-to-bake kit. yeah, we were feeling lazy. jess had brought (along with many goodies) a massive pot of chocolate dip, so much chocolate smearing commenced! the one downside to our chocolatey fun was that once you washed off the chocolate your skin wouldn't stop smelling of (bad) cheese until vigorously scrubbed..ew.


in that picture, katy's painting a chocolate face on my arm, just like one of the pieces of art in her portfolio - which got her into wimbledon art school yesterday! :D clever bunny.

next anticipated event was the joint CLS/CLSG disco!


just to fill you in on this pic: we're standing below a "year 9" sign since the disco was making up for one we missed back in U4th ;) so the dress code was 2005/06 school fashions - emo, nerdy and nu rave. popped the lenses out of some 3-d glasses; voila, easiest nerd costume ever!


and to be honest, it was just as awkward as it would have been had we been genuine year 9s. my friends and i don't really mix with city boys in our year, so mostly stuck to the ones we knew/in cliques. luckily there was the dance floor to hit up and student bands (xandria's bf max's band Fracture, and harry michell repping This Is Big) to entertain us. and lots of cocktail sausages. LOTS.


went to the bathroom (pictured here with the awesomely dressed xin nee and emma ^_^) to quickly change for the next gig of the evening: passion pit!
unfortunately i didn't get any pictures, but had a really good time. passion pit were better than they had been last summer at reading - they seemed much more settled into their performing style, and the atmosphere felt like a beach party! so awesome, everyone danced their hearts out and had fun.

well, since that gig i've pretty much stayed at home studying *ugh*. need to get those grades! been listening to lots of new music, including onerepublic's fairly new album "waking up" - especially the song all the right moves. im a little bit obsessed with that one - the lyric in the subject box is from that song! GNAGH so awesome!

another song i loveloveLOVE: her morning elegance, by israeli artist oren lavie. the video is amazing, and it's just such a good song to slowly wake up to and get dressed to in the early hours. i adore his voice...

after a measly week of self-incarceration, i've already started going mad. tried to combat this tonight by going out shopping with my beloved jexie - to perve on selfridges' wondrous food hall...and men's underwear. natch. in fact, jess and i love stalking around the men's department in general, fantasizing about how we'd like our ideal men to dress :) *sigh*

later we went to the beauty dept so we could stock up on eyeliners, lipstick etc, and jess had a mosey around the actual FEMALE lingerie department - while a nice lady curled my hair for free :)

next we went to the denim department - and i spotted a SALE sign. *asian instincts perk up - designer for cheap lah!* jess and i found some amazing citizens of humanity jeans, reduced from £215 to...£30. AMAZING. thats cheaper than topshop! bought.

afterwards: SERIOUS ice cream was had (hazelnut for jess, pistachio pour moi) and a bit of buffalo biltong too, standard. *chew chew* jess and i should by rights be obese..

LASTLY THE AWESOMEST THING EVER. the official adventure time site! complete with free wallpapers, screensavers and an amazing game. GO ON, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.


ciao, o jaa mata ne! (im going to rome next week, followed by japan ^_^ so excited!)
<3

P.S thanks to xin and xandria for letting me thieve their photos for this post xxxxx

why can't you try and understand?

so my day got off to a terrible start
no one in my french class had done their homework (finishing off a monster literature pack). in fact, i'd done the most in the class, but it just so happened my french teacher had to pick up my pack. i got a BOLLOCKING. only then did he decide to check everyone else's pack, at which point he realised no one had done their homework. and i was just sitting there, silently crying

so he gathered up his things and walked out for the rest of the lesson, ashamed

to be honest i wasn't crying just on account of the telling off, i've been feeling...a lot of things lately. that added to the insane amount of coursework/exam prep i have right now - the little polemic from my teacher just happened to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

in other news, my weekend...

went to jess's after school...she showed me her entire wardrobe (which is to be fair absolutely amazing), and then we decided we wanted to go out, so she lent me shoes and this dress:

we started off with good intentions by going to chinatown - lots of my friends came out for chinese :D so much food - peking duck, beef kway teow, kaih lan, seafood lettuce, wontons...and the waiters were all malaysian, so naturally curious about my origins and lack of hokkien/bahasa ;)

the rest of the night was failawesome...
FAIL 1: went to a pub in covent garden and bumped into our head of year and his wife (also a teacher at our school) awwwwwwkward. left.
FAIL 2: managed to get into a club, YAY! (since my friend isn't yet legal, she only had a dodgy student ID on her, so this was a big achievement for us!) as we walked in the guy on the door said "oh - just so you know, this is a GAY CLUB - that's not a big deal for you, right?" not at all, we were just happy to get in, so stuck around for a while, had a woman tell us how great it was to see females at a gay club, apparently they're a rare breed and she thought we were very comfortable with our sexualities. HELL YES. anyway, left.
FAIL 3: another club! this one actually looks pretty cool, the people inside are beautiful, it's right near soho. to be honest, what were we expecting? i almost wasn't surprised to see the neon-clad muscled men gyrating when we stepped in...
though the night was full of fail, i actually had a great time :) even had time to stop off at snog and grab a fro yo with strawberries and fudge....*dreamy sigh*

yum.

hurray for the new los campesinos and hot chip albums! new music honestly makes me so ridiculously happy :D (song is "can't finish what you started" by motion city soundtrack, btw)


haha, the way i'm clutching my ipod in this picture makes me look like such an indie/emo wannabe :P think i was listening to regina spektor...

til next time.
<3

no walls can keep me protected

i'm poor, but pretty damn happy
basically been maxing out my card in the last few days, booking tickets to warwick for next weekend - trip to see ali and the wazza nightlife :P also, tickets to florence + the machine for hannah jess and i :) hopefully worth it!

currently...
listening to: lots of jack's mannequin and owl city, plus this song, by miike snow. when your love is gone, you carry on...
eating: cougar bars. with a wiiiild crunch. and for a pick-me-up, cryogenic cocktails from ice creamist. i wish. OPEN YOUR DAMN SHOP ALREADY!
reading: one flew over the cuckoo's nest <3
watching: just finished glee. wow. and episode one of the new series of skins, which i don't expect much of, after the celluloid atrocity that was series 3 :(
doing: school. the hot chocolate machine is spazzing and making rubbishy silty hot chocolate. the internet is dammmn slow. and i'm supposed to be finishing off a l'avare essay. but i will BEAT THE MAN by planning a jess-tammy excursion to chinatown for this afternoon - purikura and bubble tea time!

<3

no one will know that we're gone

happy ridiculously late new year!!

lots of new stuffs in the hiatus since my last post...

firstly, i got into CAMBRIDGE :O frankly stunned after my shocker of an interview, and i'm still waiting for them to tell me they've made a mistake. track hasn't updated yet, so maybe they will *i didn't mean that!*

track updated today actually, but not with my cam offer - an offer for bristol! it's my joint 2nd choice, and a BBB offer *smiles maniacally*, my lowest yet...must not fall victim to temptation of putting minimal work in for exams...MUST NOT!

christmas was really relaxing, lovely actually. as i said i would, i went to paris with dom! and pretty much did the amelie tour of the city. wanna have a couple of photos? course you do.

on the first day we arrived reaaaally early - about eight AM local time i think? stepped out of lamarck-caulaincourt to find our hotel. it wasn't ready for public consumption, so we wandered around the area - which, amazingly, turned out to be montmartre. of course we had to go see sacre-coeur...


there's an amazing view of the city from up on montmartre (martyr's hill/mountain...not such a pretty name after all, huh?), immortalised in amelie <3. the dancing guy seems to like it too..


after breakfast, being true londoners, we went to check out the shops. i was really impressed by the shop displays, so much prettier than selfridges' this year. printemps were my favourite:


then it was back to the hotel for a much-needed nap :) that evening, we headed to the place de la concorde to...well, basically see what we could find really! adventuretime! (top of the post shows the ferris wheel we saw there).


there was a christmas market on, so we walked all the way down the avenue, from concorde to the arc. ended up getting dinner at around midnight, in pigalle - right near the moulin rouge ;)

then the next day, dom was ill - seriously ill. it was actually a lifesaver since i was wiped out from all the adventuring the day before, plus my interview the day before that. so i got to lie in bed all day :D! occasionally reading snippets of children's books to the invalid.

on the third day, he rose again. dom, that is - and we had breakfast in trocadero, on the bank opposite the eiffel tower. after that was more adventuring across the river. it had snowed and i had zerogrip boots, so basically slid down a hill. it wasn't funny. not funny at all. in fact i was screaming all the way down while dom laughed his head off...


but we managed to get there, to the premier tourist spot of france. i know it's a cliché, but it amazes me every time...


(photo taken by me, so it's MINE)

it was bitterly cold - about -5 degrees - and there was a mini snowstorm under the tower. so we headed back along the seine, got on the métro and went to galerie lafayette to buy lots of food. yay! had several mini heart attacks that night however - british airways got all twatty about the snow on the runways and we only just managed to get home on a rescheduled flight (if we'd taken eurostar, we'd have been stranded in the tunnel all night...). then back at heathrow, the bags took 2 1/2 hours to find their way from the aeroplane to the carousel. cue lots of shouting from my mother and the almost instantaneous appearance of the bags (dom's and mine first, of course), sitting guiltily on the carousel :D asian mums do come in handy after all!

today's song is "bicycle" by memory tapes, firstly because it's awesome - has had comparisons from the cure to passion pit - always a good fusion in my opinion - secondly because of the ridiculous number of vélib bikes in paris!

à bientôt! <3

i've been waiting so long to take you home

thoughts of the day

-there is NO way in hell i'm getting a place at cambridge. honestly..i had my interview today, and....ugh. there was so much i wanted to say, but my tongue was like a brick in my mouth and i kept repeating myself. now my brain feels like it's been in the tumbledryer. just wanted to cry afterwards...

-cambridge is fracking cold. so glad for the pollution ensconcing london in a blanket of warm happiness. for once.

-i'm going to paris tomorrow!!! so excited i'm jumping up and down RIGHT NOW. dom is taking me as an 18th birthday surprise :) :) :) hopefully i can forget about today's catastrophe, or at least have my mind taken off it.

-SNOW!!! it's coming! tomorrow, or thursday. sadly i won't be around to witness the cold delights, but it's still exciting.

-i just ruined my eiderdown with red nail varnish...

-they may be cheap and not as posh as melt, rococo or godiva, but I LOVE FERRERO ROCHERS, goddammit. in fact i will eat some now. there.


this is weird. i feel like i should be slaving away for interview (as i have been doing for the last few weeks/months). my mind feels utterly detached. i want to go to the lab this weekend. don't care that it's insanely expensive, i just need to go out and completely forget about everything...

song = "love's a game" by the magic numbers. it's the song i listened to before my first interview today...*flumps down on bed in despair*

<3...

your words all over me

i really really love fairylights...roll on christmas!

christmas season, how do i love thee? let me count the ways...
1. the lights all over oxford st, regent's st and carnaby st. shopping becomes 1000x more pleasurable...
2. getting to wrap up in proper coats again! everyone says i look like paddington in my new duffel :P and reuniting with my hat, scarf and gloves! (this is too exciting.)
3. watching brilliant xmas tv swathed in blankets and holding a mug of hot chocolate protectively. so many good programmes/films on...dr. who xmas special! among others.
4. indulging my inner pyro with a proper log fire. the smell it makes when you toss dried clementine peel in it...and speaking of which...
5. CLEMENTINES!!! love in a piece of fruit!
6. chestnuts roasting on an open fire...
7. jack frost nipping at your "buds" - the word my sister substitutes in for "knees", to everyone's delight.
8. waking up to a house toasty warm from the central heating
9. the parties - always the best this time of year! yayyyyy birthday coming up...
10. xmas songs on the radio. give it 5 days, it'll be acceptable to sing them again :D
11. the arrival of the xmas tree in the school hall and the excitement it causes for, oh, about a day.
12. the arrival of the FAMILY xmas tree! and decorating it :) invariably one of the biggest sources of stress in december.
13. my advent calendar. i wish i had one like that all year round. not just a boring regular flip-the-pages over calendar, one with little doors. with surprise PICTURES behind them! or chocolates!
14. the little-kid level of sheer excitement on xmas eve - running around the house and actually going to bed early "so it comes quicker". every year as a child (oh okay, LAST YEAR TOO) i remember reaching round in the middle of the night to feel my stocking to see if it'd been filled yet. at least ten times. and then waking up in the morning, heart beating fast, to find it full at the bottom of my bed...
15. christmas day itself - best day of the year! presentspresentspresents galore, calls from the various relatives spread over the globe, and my mum's fantastic roast dinner :) so happy we're spending xmas at home this year.
16. and lastly but not leastly...in fact most importantly...dom coming home :) :) :) so we can do all the do-able stuff on this list together! all of them are better with someone to cuddle! miss you so much, i really can't wait..

ahhh HELLO, you're wondering who "under the sheets" is by? answer: ellie goulding, who's getting a LOAD of hype right now. she's hailed in most musical columns as the new female act of 2010. wellll, i'm personally still not quite sure about miss goulding, but hey, this is a catchy tune, so have a listen.

one last thing! anyone who brings me/links me a cute fair isle/nordic print sweater wins a prize. i can't find one ANYWHERE!

they look like this:


or this


so cute, i want! and need to put on my wishlist for parents who need present guidance...

bisous!
<3